


Why Not Us

by multifanwho



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bit of angst made up for with a bit of fluff, F/F, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, This was going to be a one shot but here we are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-14 11:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifanwho/pseuds/multifanwho
Summary: The Doctor and Yaz question why there weren't any of their loved ones in the mirror-verse





	1. Chapter 1

The TARDIS dematerialises out of Norway and back into the time vortex with all of her passengers on board safe, if not a little shaken up from the events of the day.

“If everyone doesn’t mind I think I’m just going to go and be quiet for a bit, if that’s okay.” Graham says. He’s trying to wrap his head around seeing an almost perfect replica of his late wife 

“Sure thing, tell you what the library is that way two rights and then four lefts. It’s quite relaxing in there when I want some quiet.” The Doctor suggests. She doesn’t see him leave the console room because she’s busy applying some sort of ointment to Ryan’s head where he was hit by a door to the face.

“How hard was it for him?” Ryan asks the woman patting his head with cotton wool. 

“Quite hard I think.” She sighed. “He kept believing it was actually her until she basically told him to chose her over looking after you.” 

Ryan doesn’t say anything in return, only smiles. Seeing how happy this information had made him the Doctor felt her hearts warm at the thought of the two’s relationship only growing stronger.

“There, that should work. Don’t touch it for 12 hours and it may start to sting around the 10th hour.”

“You’re starting to sound like and actual doctor, Doctor.” Ryan says as he moves to follow Graham to the library, just to check if he’s okay. “Thanks, Doc.” The Doctor nods in recognition while she puts away the ointment. 

Yaz appears from the other side of the control panel with a question on the tip of her tongue but she doesn’t know how to go about it. She had noticed that in the mirror-verse Graham had his Grace, and Erik had his dead wife but herself and the Doctor had no one. Was it because the other universe hadn’t prepared for them? Or was it something else?

“You scared me back there.” The Doctor tells Yaz as she comes into view. “When you got zapped back into the antizone. I didn’t know what had happened for a second and it frightened me.”

“I was alright. We all got out in time.” She reassures the Doctor. She heard her shout her name as she was being thrown back and it added to the panic Yaz refused to show, because the Doctor had never sounded so distraught around them up until that moment. 

“Doctor why didn’t the mirror verse have a copy of a loved one for you?” Yaz asks. 

“Not sure really.” The Doctor perches herself on the console as Yaz steps I front of her. “I’ve loved so many people in my time, platonically and romantically. Perhaps there were just too many to choose from. If they put all of them in the universe would probably collapse there and then, so it probably just ignored me.”

“And what about me? I didn’t have anyone.”

“No you didn’t did you? That’s quite strange that. I think we just have to assume that universe wasn’t expecting us to turn up so didn’t formulate anyone. It called for Graham and produced Grace but we didn’t get called at all, we went at our own will.”

“ ’spose so.” Yaz shrugs.

“Or…” The Doctor does that thing Yaz hates where she loses herself in her own thoughts for minuets at a time without telling the person in the conversation with her what she’s thinking.

“Or What?” Yaz prompts to get her to talk out loud.

“Or we just didn’t look hard enough. Maybe they were there but we we’re too busy on trying to get out we didn’t pay attention. Could’ve been right in front of us.” The Doctor theorized.

“Maybe. The world was set up for the pair in question to have solitude alone together, so if there was anyone for either of us they might not have been able to approach us because we were together the whole time. ”

The Doctor nods. “We were, weren’t we. Alone together for a bit too.” She acknowledges, looking gently at Yaz, and Yaz looks up to meet her eyes. The Doctor looked as if she was wanting Yaz to realise something, something she didn’t want to bring up herself. But the Doctor could tell Yaz wasn’t catching on, she just looked confused. Either PC Khan really didn't know or she was choosing to ignore the obvious. “I guess we’ll never know. Another mystery of the universe!” She brushes it off and Yaz smiles at the other woman’s enthusiasm.

“Right,” Yaz slaps her thighs. “I need to get out of these muddy clothes from falling flat on my backside in the antizone and you need a shower. You smell from running about."  
The Doctor sniffs her armpits and scrunches her face in disgust.

“Oh, yeah, no that’s nasty.” The Doctor grimaces while Yaz starts walking away laughing. The Doctor walks in the other direction away from the control panel. She reassures herself that the reason neither of them had a loved one was because the universe wasn’t expecting them. Yeah, the universe hadn’t planned for them, that’s why. And she repeats this until the other option leaves the forefront of her mind, because the other option can’t happen. Can't it?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read the comments and a couple of people wanted me to continue with this so here ya go!

“What was it like in the other universe?” Ryan asks Yaz while he tossed a tennis ball up and down in the air. The two were laying on the floor of the TARDIS control room top and tail, passing time while the Doctor was showering.

“It was the exact same house but brighter, a bit surreal if I’m honest. Oh, and everything was backwards.”

“Backwards?”

“Yeah like the writing on clothes and the Doctor’s hair parting changed sides. Like a mirror image.”

“How do you know which side the Doctors hair parting is?” Ryan asked amused.

“Dunno, I just do.”

“Yaz,” Ryan stops throwing the tennis ball. “do you have a crush on me?”

“What?!” Yaz exclaimed sitting up. “No! I mean you’re a good looking lad but not for me thanks.”

“So you know how to differentiate a crush from friendship, right.”

“I like to think I can.”

“So if I asked you if you had a crush on the Doctor you would know if you did or if you were just mates?”

“Why are you asking me that?” Yaz laughs. All Ryan did in response was raise his eyebrows and glare at his old classmate, and the smile fell from Yaz’s face.

“Budge up I made sandwiches.” The Doctor strides in, interrupting the conversation that had admittedly been paused. “Egg cress?” she offers up the plate as she sits in between the two cross legged. Yaz grabs a couple and quickly starts eating so that she doesn’t have to talk. Ryan’s comments have made her think and she doesn’t want to let something stupid slip out of her mouth.

“I think I might take some of those to Graham if that’s alright Doctor. He’s still in the library.” Ryan says and the Doctor dishes up a few on some kitchen towel she had scrunched in her trouser pockets. Once he had the food in his hand, he threw the tennis ball for you to catch and gave her a look as if to say ‘the ball’s in your court’. It dawned on Yaz he was leaving her with the Doctor on purpose. 

“You’re quiet.” The Doctor says after a while, munching the crust of her last sandwich. Yaz just smiles but it’s obviously not very convincing. She's trying to think of a convincing lie. “What’s up?” The Doctor swallows and shifts herself so they’re both facing each other. 

“Just how loving someone can bring so much pain.” Great, nice job Yaz, that came out totally wrong. She sees the Doctors face go all soft and gooey like it did when she asked Hanne if she was blind. “I mean Graham and Grace, Erik and his wife, they loved their wives so much they almost abandoned the ones they loved that were still alive for a copy of them.”

“Love will do that to you.” The Doctor says. “But It’s worth it.”

“I think I’ll just stay married to the job. Less hassle.” Yaz tries to make light of the very dark conversation she just unintentionally started. “How do you know so much about love anyway.” She teases.

“I’m 2000 plus years old and I have a wife.” The Doctor reveals not breaking eye contact. Yaz can feel something in her stomach. Was it jealousy? Shock? Disappointment? She couldn’t tell.

“But we’re both time travelers.” The Doctor continues. “It gets messy. The first time we met I had no idea who she was but she knew me, and she died for me. We never know when we’ll see each other next, so if I ever did fall for someone else I wouldn’t be in trouble, and neither would she.”

“What’s her name?” Yaz asks, sensing that the Doctor hasn’t been able to talk about her wife with someone else for a while.

“River.”

“And when you say 'neither would she', you mean River?” Yaz tries to clarify.

“Yes, I wouldn’t be mad if she found another partner, but also the girl I fall for next, River wouldn’t be mad at her. I mean it could be a guy but in all honesty I kind of have a track record with women.”

“You keep talking about someone else.” Yaz says. “Who is she?” Yaz could pinpoint the moment the Doctor decided to do it and she wished she hadn’t. The Doctor practically lunged towards Yaz’s face with parted lips. Yaz didn’t want that, or at least she knew if she did want it she wouldn’t want it to happen like this. She holds out her hands to keep the Doctor from making contact.

“Is this how you did it with the others? How your 'track record' came about?” 

“Yaz I’m-“

“How many of them were there?” Yaz adds standing up. “Because I don’t just want to be an addition to a long line of names.”

“I don’t like to think about them.” The Doctor gulped. Yaz knows she’s regretting her action. It was way out of character for her and now she doesn’t know how to handle herself and it was clear to see.

“Why not? Did they all die for you like River did? Did they all sacrifice themselves for you Doctor because I’m telling you now, I would and will follow you to the end of the universe but I am my own woman.” Yaz asserts. She realises she slipped into her police voice and she could see the effects of the change in emotion plastered all over the Doctor’s face. Was she crying? Yaz didn’t know if she was asking that about herself or woman sitting hunched over out of embarrassment in front of her. Unable to conjure up any words that would fix the situation, Yaz leaves the Doctor sitting there and can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. As she’s walking away to her room she sees Ryan walking towards her.

“Nice one dipshit.” She says angrily as she passes.

“What did I do!”

“Yaz, wait.” The Doctor calls after her. She was definitely at least a bit tearful.

“Oh no.” Ryan mutters under his breath when the Doctor walks straight past him. Provoking Yaz to think about feelings might night have been the best idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a change in rating and turned it into a series? call me shane! but for real this chapter is a bit trash but I needed it for a set up
> 
> also I know I don't respond to all the comments but just know I hear you all and I appreciate you


	3. Chapter 3

“Yaz please let me in.” The Doctor asks calmly standing outside the bedroom door. She’s screwed up and she knows it. All of this from a stupid suspicion from a stupid trip to an alternate universe. “Please let me explain.”

“You can explain from out there.” Yaz says from the other side of the door. The Doctor saw this as reasonable. Anything to get Yaz to listen.

“I’m really sorry for what I did I just overthought and thought you were on the same page as me and you obviously weren’t. I…” The Doctor rests her forehead on the door with a slight thud. “I think the mirror verse did give us a temptation to stay and it was that bedroom. Just you and me talking science and about granny five and just giving me a chance to have time with you. Alone. I don’t know if it was designed for both of us or just me but-“ The door opens and the Doctor almost falls into the room. Yaz has her back to the Doctor as she walks to sit on the end of her bed. The Doctor steps in, closes the door behind her, and timidly walks towards Yaz to stand in front of her just like they had talked in the mirror verse. The Doctor notes that Yaz had her arms crossed across her chest, so she wasn’t in the clear just yet.

“Why don’t you talk about all the other women you have loved? Is it something I have to worry about?” Yaz asked in a monotonous tone. The Doctor shifts her feet uncomfortably and shoves her hands inside her trouser pockets.

“Do you remember what I said when you asked if I had any family?” The Doctor says and Yaz nods. “I carry them with me always, and I have bits of them in me so that I don’t have to think about them all the time because if I think about them too much it hurts.” Yaz’s body language starts to get softer.

“Who hurts most?” Yaz asks. The Doctor has to take a second to compose herself before answering. She understands why Yaz is asking and if anything, talking about them might fix the bond the Doctor broke just minutes before.

“There’s different kinds.” The Doctor explains. “River hurts me because she’s the child of my two best friends that traveled with me and they got trapped in the 1930s.” She sees Yaz’s eyes widen. “It’s a long story, but even though I know I’ll see River, and it’s good when she turns up, I’m reminded of them, and I know how she dies when she doesn’t. I gave her a sonic when it looked like I was never going to see her again.”

“So she has part of you with her.” Yaz assumes and the Doctor nods to confirm it. “What’s the other kind?”  
This time the Doctor can feel herself needing extra strength for this one. She hasn’t talked about her for such a long time. 

“Rose.” Her name rolling off the tongue that came with this body for the first time made her voice crack with sadness. “Uh sorry Rose, she travelled with me for a long time but she got trapped in a parallel world. She had her mum with her, good old Jackie, and her dad who died in this world. I burnt up a sun to say goodbye and even then I couldn’t say it. Then the Daleks stole the planet and she came back and found me.” The Doctor smiles sadly. “A lot of stuff happened and a time-lord-human-meta-crisis happened so long story short she’s back in a parallel world with a human version of me.”

“So she’s happy in a parallel universe with a version of you? How’s that bad?” Yaz asks naively but the Doctor can’t blame her for it. 

“Because I’m not happy.” The Doctor admits with tears starting to gloss over her vision. She looks at her feet so that Yaz can’t see her walls slowly breaking down. “I never got to tell her with my own mouth and now the words are stuck in my throat for what feels like eternity. I haven’t felt like that for someone until you-”

The Doctor’s words were cut off by Yaz’s arms wrapping themselves around the Doctor’s neck. The Doctor slowly puts her arms around Yaz’s strong torso not wanting to push any more boundaries, and reciprocates the hug. She lets out a sigh and buries her face in Yaz’s neck.

“I’m sorry again” She mutters and Yaz pulls away to leave the Doctor standing alone in front of her again.

“I accept your apology for trying to kiss me.” Yaz says softly and a wave of utter relief comes over the Doctor’s whole body. “But I don’t need an apology for not talking about your   
ex’s. I can see what it does to you, I just thought you’d murdered them or something.”

The Doctor tilts her head back and laughs. If only Yaz knew how many people had actually died due to her reckless and badly motivated actions.

“Ryan asked me something earlier and it made me think.” Yaz says shifting uncomfortably which concerned the Doctor. “I don’t know a label or anything for it because I literally only thought about it like half an hour ago but all I know at the moment is that I do like you Doctor.”

The Doctor can’t believe the words she’s hearing. The amount of emotions rolling around her head at the moment are making it too difficult to actually take in the situation around her.

“You… you do like me too right?” Yaz asks worried that she’d just exposed herself as the Doctor wasn't responding.

“Oh yeah, I really do Yasmin Khan.” The Doctor reassures her, smiling.

“Well I’d like it if we took this slow. Like really slow.”

“How slow?” The Doctor asks.

“We can hold hands and hug but nothing more. Not yet.”

The Doctor grins. This went astonishingly well considering how it started.

“Oh brilliant!”


End file.
